It’s been long since I last blogged. So what happened in those months was I cleared my sem with an A grade. Enjoyed my college festivals to the core as it was the last time, made some new friends through it. Got close with some old friends. At the end of one festival in December I confessed to a guy I have been crushing on for a while only to have him play me in loops and then ignore me. Went on a memorable, great, beautiful trip to North-east India with my squad, which got me more friends. Turned twenty last month and now preparing for the last semester of my life, well if I decide not to do further studies that is. In the next couple months I will be done with my Bachelors hopefully with flying colors. Then I might, I mean I should get a job and complete the ongoing professional course simultaneously.
After few months I’ll be out of college and enter a new world where I won’t be having time to myself or time to meet friends. I will be rushing in the morning to my job desk, getting the deadlines so not to have my boss fire my ass, make a career and after few years, have my own family. Thinking about it scares me. Knowing that the people who swore to be together forever, will slowly fade away into the distance, get on with their life. Knowing that once I get a 9-5 job I won’t have time to pamper myself as I always thought I would. Knowing that henceforth, I will have to work to get that Zara top or a Forever21 jeans, not that my parents won’t lend me some money. Knowing that all the fame in college, all the fun you had never prepared you for what is to come. Knowing that I won’t be able to watch youtube videos and read books for hours at a stretch and just waste time doing nothing. Knowing that you will be alone in this world, and try to adapt to it, survive it. Knowing that you can’t just wave things off as a joke and that you need to be mature, take things sincerely, act like an adult that you are. Knowing that you won’t get to travel as you and when you want to. Knowing that after few years you might meet the one and get married and have your own family. Knowing that you even might screw all these things up. All this scares the hell out of me, knowing that I am still a child at heart. I did want to grow up when I was little but now I just want the time to stop. I want to stay in college forever, make fun of other people, tease each other, eat burgers and french fries without having to worry what will come next but sadly this is life. Going on, never stoping.
And maybe, I will get through this phase of nervous breakdown with time just as I got over sadness when Sirius Black died in Harry Potter or after a terrible breakup. And maybe, just maybe I won’t screw things up as badly as I think I would. And maybe I’ll make time for myself AND for every other things I want to tick off from my bucket list, through all these hassles and things won’t turn out that bad. It’s okay to be scared sometimes but it’s wrong to let this fear get to you. The best is yet to come. Keep on hoping. Hoping to find darkness at the end of the tunnel. Nobody said life was easy…they just promised that it would be worth it. As they say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.