C’est la vie

It’s been long since I last blogged. So what happened in those months was I cleared my sem with an A grade. Enjoyed my college festivals to the core as it was the last time, made some new friends through it. Got close with some old friends. At the end of one festival in December I confessed to a guy I have been crushing on for a while only to have him play me in loops and then ignore me. Went on a memorable, great,  beautiful trip to North-east India with my squad, which got me more friends. Turned twenty last month and now preparing for the last semester of my life, well if I decide not to do further studies that is. In the next couple months I will be done with my Bachelors hopefully with flying colors. Then I might, I mean I should get a job and complete the ongoing professional course simultaneously.

After few months I’ll be out of college and enter a new world where I won’t be having time to myself or time to meet friends. I will be rushing in the morning to my job desk, getting the deadlines so not to have my boss fire my ass, make a career and after few years, have my own family. Thinking about it scares me. Knowing that the people who swore to be together forever, will slowly fade away into the distance, get on with their life. Knowing that once I get a 9-5 job I won’t have time to pamper myself as I always thought I would. Knowing that henceforth, I will have to work to get that Zara top or a Forever21 jeans, not that my parents won’t lend me some money. Knowing that all the fame in college, all the fun you had never prepared you for what is to come. Knowing that I won’t be able to watch youtube videos and read books for hours at a stretch and just waste time doing nothing. Knowing that you will be alone in this world, and try to adapt to it, survive it. Knowing that you can’t just wave things off as a joke and that you need to be mature, take things sincerely, act like an adult that you are. Knowing that you won’t get to travel as you and when you want to. Knowing that after few years you might meet the one and get married and have your own family. Knowing that you even might screw all these things up. All this scares the hell out of me, knowing that I am still a child at heart. I did want to grow up when I was little but now I just want the time to stop. I want to stay in college forever, make fun of other people, tease each other, eat burgers and french fries without having to worry what will come next but sadly this is life. Going on, never stoping.

And maybe, I will get through this phase of nervous breakdown with time just as I got over sadness when Sirius Black died in Harry Potter or after a terrible breakup. And maybe, just maybe I won’t screw things up as badly as I think I would. And maybe I’ll make time for myself AND for every other things I want to tick off from my bucket list, through all these hassles and things won’t turn out that bad. It’s okay to be scared sometimes but it’s wrong to let this fear get to you. The best is yet to come. Keep on hoping. Hoping to find darkness at the end of the tunnel. Nobody said life was easy…they just promised that it would be worth it. As they say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

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12 thoughts on “C’est la vie

  1. There’s a way to have a great life, that you have dreamed off. Follow your passion, true passion. I know this may sound crass, but now you have the time to make a decision and step on it. You don’t really have to do a 9-5job and dance around to make ends meet. If you’re half with what you’re doing, that’s more than a reward.

    Since you are a top scorer, I believe you can have the luxury of selecting a job of your own choice, if the passion thing doesn’t pan out.

    Anyhow all the best for the next last sem. Rock on. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Live your life with passion, and all your other concerns will be solved in the process. Life is a process of making a better you. Don’t be afraid of the future, don’t regret your past…just enjoy your present…. Life is our present from God.
    Thanks for passing by my blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your life doesn’t have to end after college. I felt freedom in getting a full-time job. In college I had to work three jobs to afford tuition and housing. I was supposed to be practicing 3-4 hours a day (music major) on top of studying music education, my general Ed classes, and my work hours. I was extremely poor, often relying on the student unions pity to get free coffee when my card got declined…now I’m only 24, I’ve been a teacher 3 years. I have one job to do and I’m getting paid a full-time salary. I have more money and free time then I ever did in college. Life doesn’t have to “end” at any point. You’ll make time for the friends who are close, you’ll grow apart from the ones you really didn’t have that much in common with. Enjoy the freedom in being independent. This is a beginning, not an end.

    Liked by 1 person

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